studying

I’m a big girl now.

| TeaKisses

Well it is official, I now live in an apartment. Even writing that seems weird. I recently had my 21st birthday and due to this event I have found myself thinking about growing up. For as long as I can remember I have always wanted to be grown up. I was always the teacher when we played school, I was the mom when we played house and when we had family friends over I much preferred hanging out with the adults than with the other kids. I wanted to wear makeup sooner than I should have and I wanted to be the most mature…But the people that know me will know that I am not the most mature 21 year old out there and I have never really been mature for my age despite my yearnings for it. I have gone through different phases when it comes to growing up, and I’m sure that lots of people go through phases, but for me when I’m in these phases I always think that I’ve made it. Since my 21st birthday I have come to the harsh realization that I have not “made it” and I probably will never “make it” because no matter what age I am society and the people around me have standards and I will not ever meet all of those standards.

Another funny realization that 21 has brought for me is that 21 is the last birthday that people look forward to, after this people just complain about getting old. YAY! I am finally legal to consume alcohol and gamble all across the world…yippee…Considering I am neither a party person nor a gambler neither of these things excite me, so the only reason I looked forward to this birthday was that I am older. As much as I love getting older it is some pretty scary shit. The real world is WAY more complicated than it seemed when I was playing house 15 years ago. I have a major in my degree and by the will of God I will graduate next year but I don’t have a hot clue about what I’m going to do after that…maybe I’ll take my leftover student loans and travel a little…or maybe I’ll just get a dead beat job like the next guy. But if I’m lucky I will land a job that I love and I can earn some money to pay back that student loan I spent on traveling.

I know this isn’t much but it is a little bit of what I’ve been thinking about lately. I have no conclusion to these points, no beautiful quote to tie it all together. Until next time.

2:2:2

| TeaKisses

Will you regret it in two hours? What about two days? Two weeks?
If you answered yes to any of the above questions then you should probably not go through with said thing.

This little piece of wisdom I recently got from an episode of Glee. Now is not the time or place to go into the fact that I watch Glee, it is one of those things you will have to accept and move on with.

I have used this trick to make a couple decisions in the past two weeks and it has stopped me from making some pretty rash choices. I am the type of person that goes either all in or not at all, I’m not good at waiting for something I know will happen anyway. I also tend to jump into things with two feet without really thinking them through first. Due to this little piece of my character I have gotten myself into things that I really didn’t want to be involved in. Not that they were bad things but I should really have thought about them more.

Recently I have been seriously thinking about switching schools and going into the Red River College Media and Communications Program. My reasons for wanting to switch are that I have a hard time taking in information via reading it or being talked at in a lecture style. I am much more of a tactile learner and thrive when what I am assigned to do are hands on projects. I know that if I tried hard enough I could apply myself and really get some work done but I don’t think that I have learned really good ways of studying and taking in information. These weaknesses mixed with the idea of an almost completely hands on program made me very open to the idea of leaving my community, friends and all that is familiar to me.

Along with my weaknesses regarding school, I have always been the type of person that quits easily. Pain scares me, failing scares me as does disappointing people. Therefore quitting and making really good excuses for it seems to be a good alternative. Blaming it on the fact that “It really didn’t feel right and I don’t think this is where God wants me” is always an easy excuse to fall back on. I should know, I have done that countless times. Reality is, I’m just too scared of failing and when I am challenged to the point of feeling like I can’t take anymore I am very easily persuaded to quit.

Quitting has never been a good thing for me, yes I have made it through without scrapes and bruises for the most part but I think sometimes its good to fail and to lean on the people who are there to help you up. As cliché as this sounds, I’m not the first person to go through lots of these experiences and I won’t be the last. Sticking to something and not quitting is a huge accomplishment on its own, doesn’t matter if you failed along the way. You didn’t quit, you persevered. I can accredit most of the situations in which I haven’t quit to my faith, I know that God has a plan for me and that He will guide my path. All I need to do is look to Him and have faith and patience…Easier said than done.

So to pull this full circle; I am not quitting my degree and moving to a different school. I will push through and learn what I need to even though it will be really hard and I won’t like it. I will trust God and the plan that He has for me…or at least I will try. I will think before I leap because it is the times that I don’t look that I end up falling flat on my face.

Good Morning World.

| TeaKisses

It has been about a month since my last blog post because I have been so terribly busy with all my assignments and tests and choir practices that I never had time to sit down and think about what I want to say. I only have one exam left and so I feel like I deserve some “me” time.

So, for the past week or so I have been taking a picture outside my window ever morning when I wake up hoping to see a change in the scenery after a while. I haven’t been seeing much of a change at all because even though it is close to the middle of december we still have very little snow.

Here are a few of my favorites:

The blue sky and the clouds are beautiful.

I love the golden light reflecting off of the “castle”

The hoarfrost is spectacular.

Clear skies, golden light…what a good morning.

The final picture was taken this morning before my exam. Talking about exams…I can not believe that this semester is over. Time has flown by so fast I can barely catch my breath. I think I did alright in all of my courses but I know for a fact that if I work harder I can be better; the problem is finding the motivation to be better and work harder. I really hope that I can do well next semester too, I hope that I have settled into the routine of university life by now.