song – Bethany Christine Creative

I have started to come to the realization that being able to be honest with yourself and the people around you is a difficult but intensely rewarding thing. Over the past couple months I have grown not only as an individual but also as a friend, I have begun to see how amazing friendships can be when effort is put into them. There is one person in particular who has come to mean a great deal to me, we never used to get along very well but due to certain circumstances we have grown very close and she is now one of my closest and dearest friends. This poem is for her.

I have always been one for pretty words, and a couple years ago I tried my hand at poetry. I can’t say that I am very good and I may not be following all of the rules of poetry but for me poetry is what happens when my soul speaks with words rather than my brain. My brain likes to over analyze things but my soul knows exactly what it wants to say. So I present you with a poem that came together out of the blue. It captures some of the feelings that I have been experiencing over the past couple months. It seems a little more depressing that I had really intended but I think It gets a point across…so without further ado. Why.

Tears ooze a soothing balm
Over the fissured soul,
Bright eyes faded to grey
Clouded with misery,
Deep breaths come out
Cut. Up. In. Sobs.

A china tea cup in your palm
Gold leaf pealing at your touch,
Cracked from over use
And un-careful users,
The slightest movement causes a leak
Bitter tea trickles through your fingers.

Wind wanders lonely
Calling through forgotten panes,
Shut out of all that is love,
Voice of a vexed lover
Whimpers one word,
Why.

~ Bethany Epp ~

This blog is here so I can remind myself to be honest with not only the people around me but to make sure I’m not trying to convince the world of something I myself know to be false. Thank you for letting me be honest with you.

You know when you listen to a song for the first time and you think to yourself “Hmmm, thats an interesting song”. Then you hear it again, it may be hours, days, weeks, months later but you always remember what you were doing when you heard it for the first time; or if you don’t remember what exactly you were doing at least you remember a general feeling, person or even place. We always remember our firsts.

A number of years ago I went to my cousin’s high school performance of Les Miserables; it was an amazing show and I cried because at the time I could not fully comprehend that it was his character that died and not him. Anyway. There was a smell, in the theatre, that I will always remember. It smelled old and musty mixed with the smell of a fog machine; I had never smelled a fog machine before and so I just assumed that this is what history smells like. Now whenever I am in the same space as a fog machine I feel depressed and all I can think about is the French revolution. Strange right?

When ever there are very emotional points in my life I tend to ‘pick’ a song and stick to it; listening to it over and over again. Applying it to that situation and the people involved. I have often done this for the various relationships in my life so sometimes one of those songs will come on the radio and either I will turn it up or turn it off. Depending on the outcome of the relationship I get good / bad feelings.

Now the inevitable. Your first kiss. Many peoples’ ideas of first kisses are romantic and perfect. Perfect guy, perfect scene, perfect music…everything; but I think that if people actually asked around for stories of first kisses the outcome would be very different. I always imagined my first kiss to be everything I described, needless to say…it wasn’t any of those things. Yes, I do often wish I had not kissed him; but I would be a totally different person and I have grown a lot because of the mistakes I made. The only reason he kissed me was because I had never been kissed; because I was willing to settle. Never Settle; especially on a ‘first’.

No matter what happens; whether you meet someone, smell something, or listen to something. You always, always remember your firsts.