You know how sometimes you do something that you know is wrong and that you will probably regret in the next few days? Like telling someone you have feelings for them, gossiping about someone, telling a lie that you know is going to come back to haunt you, even cutting your own bangs…we all do it. Why?

I don’t really have an answer for this question but I do have experience with it. I tend to make stupid mistakes as soon as someone is trying to get close to me, I have a really awesome way of pushing people away because I feel like I don’t deserve them or the attention they are giving me. I screw myself over and am left feeling pitiful and sad. I don’t want to push them away, I want them to love me and I want to be able to love them too but I can’t seem to stop doing stupid things to prove to them I’m not worth hanging out with.

I am a really friendly person, at least I like to think that I am. I don’t have many friends, but I am okay with that. I have a few really close friends and some extra people that I hang out with so thats all I really need. I just need to learn to be content with the way things are and to not push people away because otherwise I will soon have no friends. Being patient is also something that I would benefit from learning, I tend to think that things have to happen sooner than later otherwise they won’t happen at all and therefore I end up initiating everything and become the “man” in all my relationships and that is really not what I want.

I need to learn that God is in control of my life and that I need to stop thinking that it’s my job to figure it all out.